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I had a dream not too long ago. I woke up and remembered I had met myself in the dream, but 20 years older. It was really fascinating experiencing a meeting with myself in the future. A lot of the details were odd, like sometimes only dreams can be, but the one thing that made me remember this dream was the advise I gave myself.
The advise was in the form of a golden watch, handed to me by my future self with the words spoken by a calm and confident voice: You have time.
I spent time trying to think about this through the following week, and it makes so much sense to me. We stress so much today. Quarterly results. Fitting everything into a crowded week. So much expectations not only set by ourselves, but added on by looking at everyone else and what they are able to squeeze into their week. Adding requirements and demands until you are trying to meet such an unrealistic level of accomplishment and delivery.
YOU HAVE TIME. You always have time. You DON'T HAVE TO make a decision right away. You DON"T HAVE TO take it or leave it. You DON'T HAVE TO give a response or send that email right away. And above all, you don't have to achieve everything at once.
Just think about this: who would you respect more
1) the person who stays long hours, work work work, and always get stressed, and makes a ton of activities with their kids over the weekend, and has a perfectly planned out and mapped out life
2) the person who stands up in a meeting and says, hey I am really sorry that we have to postpone this meeting as we did not get to a unified conclusion in time, but I really want to go and get my kids from school today. And then over the weekend spends time with their kids rather than driving them to different sports and acting activities everywhere.
There is a time and place for everything. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO IT ALL IN THE SAME WEEK...or month....or year.
What I feel so many young parents try to do is to reach that impossible bar of accomplishment and success in everything at once. Each thing has its time and place.
YOU HAVE TIME. Time to think. To breathe. And to just be.
Showing posts with label Goal setting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goal setting. Show all posts
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Setting Clear Goals
One really important thing to do to get where you want to be or to grow or get to the next level is to really set clear goals for yourself and with dedication follow an action plan. It is one of the toughest jobs, and with this blog I want to share an approach that has helped me and many of my employees when they have struggled with their performance reviews.
The power is in the words and in the mantras you create for yourself when clearly defining goals. The clear goal statements encourrages you when things seem difficult and help you keep focus.
I used to be a YES-sayer. I wanted to help everyone with everything. I wanted to be liked and I wanted to please people. I wanted to be a good manager, and in that vision of myself I thought that a good manager was supposed to be liked and able to do so many things. Was I wrong or what... Trust me on this one, the only two things a good manager really needs to be good at are:
1. Setting clear goals (and communicate these and the expectations on success/failure)
2. Making sure the tasks and responsibilities are clearly assigned and prioritized - and accounted for.
If you want to become a good manager of your own life and situation - which I hope everyone wants to become - then 1. and 2. are the two things you need to focus on.
So, step one: setting clear goals...easier said than done. Start with brain-storming. You can do this with yourself (verbally or in written form) or with friends you trust. Write all the things you want onto a paper. In no particular order. And I mean EVERYTHING.
Example:
- I want a Donna Karen purse by December
- I want to call my mom more often
- I want to travel more in my work
- I want to have better communication with my boss
- I want to feel more relaxed when the weekend arrives
- I want to...
These are your SELF REQUIREMENTS. And usually the list is long and totally unrealistic. :)
Now sort out which ones YOU really want and which ones OTHERS have made you want. And try to sort out if you WANT them or NEED them, and for what reasons. And if any pair of goals are dependent.
Example:
- I want a Donna Karen purse by December, so I can show off to my friends at the New Years party...
- I need to feel more relaxed when the weekend arrives, otherwise my whole weekend will go to recharging myself, and I wont feel like I have a life outside work. If I communicate better with my boss, I would feel more relaxed... --> I should focus on improving communication with my boss.
- I want to travel more in work, as I feel that makes me grow as a person
With this filtering, you can better prioritise your goals. The ME, THEM, and MUST buckets.
"I need" goes into the MUST bucket.
The MUST buckets are usually for your long-term health or relationship strength. And these usually takes more effort to fulfill but also gives more value back. Pick two of these at a time to focus on, and try to avoid setting up "forever" time lines. E.g. I will call my mom every other week for three months - is a healthy goal, and achievable. And it has a end-date where you can re-evaluate if this arrangement demands too much of your time, so you can fine tune to a happier arrangement.
Goals referring to others usually belongs in the THEM bucket.
The THEM bucket is usually not important for your growth, but you can pick one or two of these goals for your ego-satisfaction if you really think you can afford spending energy on these, once you have reviewed the rest of the list. E.g. I will save Y $ every week for a Donna Karen purse until December 15th, but only if I have more than X $ left after paying and saving all my other goals that are more important. This leaves you with the satisfaction that you may achieve your ego-goal, but don't steal away from more important goals.
The ME bucket is your self-growth bucket (usually) and these you should treat with extra care and attention. They may be (sometimes) "silly" goals to others, but will give you the self-esteem fulfillment. So, these goals need to be prioritized. And I would pick one at a time and focus until fulfilled to a satisfying level.
How you pick the focus-goals from each bucket is varying in difficulty, but once you have the lists bucket-sorted, the highest priority ones in each bucket usually sticks out from the crowd. And since you have divided them into the ME, THEM, and MUST buckets, you will have a fair share and balance between your various goals stimulating all sides/needs of your goal fulfillment and progress needs.
Last step is to book an appointment with yourself to reevaluate your goals in 3 or 6 months out, dependent on what time span your goals can meet. Now you have a goal setting process in place. And 3-5 goals identified. And believe me, it takes less and less time for every review. And you will feel more and more focused on where you are taking your life, in addition to an increased feeling of fulfillment and self-esteem as you reach your goals one by one.
MOST IMPORTANT: if you happen to fail to meet a goal, don't judge yourself. What you need to do in that case is to evaluate why - if it is internal or external circumstances, things out of your control or not, and what you learned. Then quickly move on with a wiser approach or with a discarded goal.
After defining your 3-6 goals for the next 6 months, it is time to sketch a action plan and strategy. That I will try to cover in my next blog.
And last thing, please remember that IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER if you meet your goals in the end, as it is the strive to get there that gives you the value. THE JOURNEY IS THE PURPOSE!
The power is in the words and in the mantras you create for yourself when clearly defining goals. The clear goal statements encourrages you when things seem difficult and help you keep focus.
I used to be a YES-sayer. I wanted to help everyone with everything. I wanted to be liked and I wanted to please people. I wanted to be a good manager, and in that vision of myself I thought that a good manager was supposed to be liked and able to do so many things. Was I wrong or what... Trust me on this one, the only two things a good manager really needs to be good at are:
1. Setting clear goals (and communicate these and the expectations on success/failure)
2. Making sure the tasks and responsibilities are clearly assigned and prioritized - and accounted for.
If you want to become a good manager of your own life and situation - which I hope everyone wants to become - then 1. and 2. are the two things you need to focus on.
So, step one: setting clear goals...easier said than done. Start with brain-storming. You can do this with yourself (verbally or in written form) or with friends you trust. Write all the things you want onto a paper. In no particular order. And I mean EVERYTHING.
Example:
- I want a Donna Karen purse by December
- I want to call my mom more often
- I want to travel more in my work
- I want to have better communication with my boss
- I want to feel more relaxed when the weekend arrives
- I want to...
These are your SELF REQUIREMENTS. And usually the list is long and totally unrealistic. :)
Now sort out which ones YOU really want and which ones OTHERS have made you want. And try to sort out if you WANT them or NEED them, and for what reasons. And if any pair of goals are dependent.
Example:
- I want a Donna Karen purse by December, so I can show off to my friends at the New Years party...
- I need to feel more relaxed when the weekend arrives, otherwise my whole weekend will go to recharging myself, and I wont feel like I have a life outside work. If I communicate better with my boss, I would feel more relaxed... --> I should focus on improving communication with my boss.
- I want to travel more in work, as I feel that makes me grow as a person
With this filtering, you can better prioritise your goals. The ME, THEM, and MUST buckets.
"I need" goes into the MUST bucket.
The MUST buckets are usually for your long-term health or relationship strength. And these usually takes more effort to fulfill but also gives more value back. Pick two of these at a time to focus on, and try to avoid setting up "forever" time lines. E.g. I will call my mom every other week for three months - is a healthy goal, and achievable. And it has a end-date where you can re-evaluate if this arrangement demands too much of your time, so you can fine tune to a happier arrangement.
Goals referring to others usually belongs in the THEM bucket.
The THEM bucket is usually not important for your growth, but you can pick one or two of these goals for your ego-satisfaction if you really think you can afford spending energy on these, once you have reviewed the rest of the list. E.g. I will save Y $ every week for a Donna Karen purse until December 15th, but only if I have more than X $ left after paying and saving all my other goals that are more important. This leaves you with the satisfaction that you may achieve your ego-goal, but don't steal away from more important goals.
The ME bucket is your self-growth bucket (usually) and these you should treat with extra care and attention. They may be (sometimes) "silly" goals to others, but will give you the self-esteem fulfillment. So, these goals need to be prioritized. And I would pick one at a time and focus until fulfilled to a satisfying level.
How you pick the focus-goals from each bucket is varying in difficulty, but once you have the lists bucket-sorted, the highest priority ones in each bucket usually sticks out from the crowd. And since you have divided them into the ME, THEM, and MUST buckets, you will have a fair share and balance between your various goals stimulating all sides/needs of your goal fulfillment and progress needs.
Last step is to book an appointment with yourself to reevaluate your goals in 3 or 6 months out, dependent on what time span your goals can meet. Now you have a goal setting process in place. And 3-5 goals identified. And believe me, it takes less and less time for every review. And you will feel more and more focused on where you are taking your life, in addition to an increased feeling of fulfillment and self-esteem as you reach your goals one by one.
MOST IMPORTANT: if you happen to fail to meet a goal, don't judge yourself. What you need to do in that case is to evaluate why - if it is internal or external circumstances, things out of your control or not, and what you learned. Then quickly move on with a wiser approach or with a discarded goal.
After defining your 3-6 goals for the next 6 months, it is time to sketch a action plan and strategy. That I will try to cover in my next blog.
And last thing, please remember that IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER if you meet your goals in the end, as it is the strive to get there that gives you the value. THE JOURNEY IS THE PURPOSE!
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