Setting Clear Goals

One really important thing to do to get where you want to be or to grow or get to the next level is to really set clear goals for yourself and with dedication follow an action plan. It is one of the toughest jobs, and with this blog I want to share an approach that has helped me and many of my employees when they have struggled with their performance reviews.

The power is in the words and in the mantras you create for yourself when clearly defining goals. The clear goal statements encourrages you when things seem difficult and help you keep focus.

I used to be a YES-sayer. I wanted to help everyone with everything. I wanted to be liked and I wanted to please people. I wanted to be a good manager, and in that vision of myself I thought that a good manager was supposed to be liked and able to do so many things. Was I wrong or what... Trust me on this one, the only two things a good manager really needs to be good at are:

1. Setting clear goals (and communicate these and the expectations on success/failure)
2. Making sure the tasks and responsibilities are clearly assigned and prioritized - and accounted for.

If you want to become a good manager of your own life and situation - which I hope everyone wants to become - then 1. and 2. are the two things you need to focus on.

So, step one: setting clear goals...easier said than done. Start with brain-storming. You can do this with yourself (verbally or in written form) or with friends you trust. Write all the things you want onto a paper. In no particular order. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Example:
- I want a Donna Karen purse by December
- I want to call my mom more often
- I want to travel more in my work
- I want to have better communication with my boss
- I want to feel more relaxed when the weekend arrives
- I want to...

These are your SELF REQUIREMENTS. And usually the list is long and totally unrealistic. :)

Now sort out which ones YOU really want and which ones OTHERS have made you want. And try to sort out if you WANT them or NEED them, and for what reasons. And if any pair of goals are dependent.

Example:
- I want a Donna Karen purse by December, so I can show off to my friends at the New Years party...
- I need to feel more relaxed when the weekend arrives, otherwise my whole weekend will go to recharging myself, and I wont feel like I have a life outside work. If I communicate better with my boss, I would feel more relaxed... --> I should focus on improving communication with my boss.
- I want to travel more in work, as I feel that makes me grow as a person

With this filtering, you can better prioritise your goals. The ME, THEM, and MUST buckets.

"I need" goes into the MUST bucket.
The MUST buckets are usually for your long-term health or relationship strength. And these usually takes more effort to fulfill but also gives more value back. Pick two of these at a time to focus on, and try to avoid setting up "forever" time lines. E.g. I will call my mom every other week for three months - is a healthy goal, and achievable. And it has a end-date where you can re-evaluate if this arrangement demands too much of your time, so you can fine tune to a happier arrangement.

Goals referring to others usually belongs in the THEM bucket.
The THEM bucket is usually not important for your growth, but you can pick one or two of these goals for your ego-satisfaction if you really think you can afford spending energy on these, once you have reviewed the rest of the list. E.g. I will save Y $ every week for a Donna Karen purse until December 15th, but only if I have more than X $ left after paying and saving all my other goals that are more important. This leaves you with the satisfaction that you may achieve your ego-goal, but don't steal away from more important goals.

The ME bucket is your self-growth bucket (usually) and these you should treat with extra care and attention. They may be (sometimes) "silly" goals to others, but will give you the self-esteem fulfillment. So, these goals need to be prioritized. And I would pick one at a time and focus until fulfilled to a satisfying level.

How you pick the focus-goals from each bucket is varying in difficulty, but once you have the lists bucket-sorted, the highest priority ones in each bucket usually sticks out from the crowd. And since you have divided them into the ME, THEM, and MUST buckets, you will have a fair share and balance between your various goals stimulating all sides/needs of your goal fulfillment and progress needs.

Last step is to book an appointment with yourself to reevaluate your goals in 3 or 6 months out, dependent on what time span your goals can meet. Now you have a goal setting process in place. And 3-5 goals identified. And believe me, it takes less and less time for every review. And you will feel more and more focused on where you are taking your life, in addition to an increased feeling of fulfillment and self-esteem as you reach your goals one by one.

MOST IMPORTANT: if you happen to fail to meet a goal, don't judge yourself. What you need to do in that case is to evaluate why - if it is internal or external circumstances, things out of your control or not, and what you learned. Then quickly move on with a wiser approach or with a discarded goal.

After defining your 3-6 goals for the next 6 months, it is time to sketch a action plan and strategy. That I will try to cover in my next blog.

And last thing, please remember that IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER if you meet your goals in the end, as it is the strive to get there that gives you the value. THE JOURNEY IS THE PURPOSE!

Pebbles in a Jar

I will tell you a story that I always try to remember when I am stressed and feel like I am drowning from some aspects. You may have heard it before, but this is my version.

A professor is teaching a class in philosophy. In the beginning of his first lecture, he is holding up a large jar of glass - empty - in front of the class. He asks the class: "What is this?" First there is a shy silence, but then one of the Berkley students raises his hand and says: "An empty jar, Sir?"

"Correct. An empty jar." answers the professor. He picks up a small black plastic bag, and empties its content into the jar. The jar is suddenly full of big pebbles. "And now? Would you say the jar is full?" The attendees of the class starts nodding their heads and signaling agreement. "Then picture each big pebble to be an important activity of your life. One being family time. One perhaps being a job. Another perhaps, or maybe not, being studying?" The class laughs at the professor's contradictory remark on studying.

The class is silent as the professor empties another small black plastic bag of content into the jar. In the small voids between the big pebbles, small pebbles are now pouring into the jar. The professor states: "And picture now, the small pebbles being important, but somewhat less important things. A dentist visit? Visiting grandma? Taking a driving license?" He pauses, then continues: "Do you agree that although you have high-priority things, you still find time for the important side-projects that you need to do?" Again a pause, and then he asks: "Would you now say that the jar is full?" A louder noise of agreement occurrs.

The noise dies out as the professor picks up a third little bag and pours it into the jar. Sand. And now the jar has no visible empty space for sure. The professor says: "And there is still, somehow always time to do the other things, like watch a movie, go out with the trash, cleaning the house, reading emails, etc.".

"Point is, anyone?" The class room is silent, and tension is high. Nobody speaks up. It is a relief when the professor finally continues: "If you focus on taking time for the most important parts of your life - your friends, family, work, exercise... - you will still have time for other important stuff, and additional stuff. Just keep your focus on the important parts."

The class explodes into conversations and discussion. In the end the noise dies out. The professor is about to put the jar away and starts his class about perspectives on what is important in life to achieve happiness, when a young student stands up and walks forward to the professor.

When he reaches the professor with the jar in his hand, he turns to the audience, who are now curiously observing him. He speaks loud and clear when he says: "And when there is just no time for anything else, there is always time for beer" and then he pours the remains of a beer bottle into the jar. And the class breaks out laughing and applauding. And the professor can't help but smiling.

End of story.

Point is, and this is me speaking, never worry about the little things. The messy house. The children not having a haircut on time. The missing out on a dentist appointment. Worry - if ever - about keeping the focus on the really important parts of your life. That is who you are and your happiness. You will always have time for other things. Eventually.