Importance of Female Networks

It has been highlighted so many times, but I think it is worth mentioning again: the importance of building female supportive networks. And with that I don't necessarily mean your closest friends, but rather a diverse group of women representing different perspectives and backgrounds. From several ages and occupation categories. A group of individuals that can constitute a collected knowledge and experience base and a safety net when you feel like you are falling.

Perhaps the value lies in the relief of sharing your burdens? Perhaps it's in the realization that you are not alone in many situations? But even more important, I think, is that it consists of individuals you can relate to and respect, which enables you to learn from their experience.

I recently went to Big Sur for a birthday event for one of my dear friends. It was a group of 10 or so women. Ages between 25-45. We went for hikes in Pfeiffer, massages at Esalen, and good dinners and wine at nearby popular Big Sur Bakery. The whole experience was fantastic and provided true soul food. The idea of spending a few days together with a group of women only (friends and acquaintances) turned out to be both fun and inspiring. It was indeed a time for reconnection with ourselves as well as mother nature's beauty. But I still believe the major component of the lightness I felt after the event was the connection with the other women.

I suddenly found myself surrounded with insights I could truly use and reflect upon. Advise around how to balance family life and career. Advise around how to get the spark back into stressed and old relationships. Advise on how to give yourself a self-esteem boost. Advise on how to handle resignation, sorrow, divorce, and parenthood challenges. A flood of knowledge and insights. And even though I may not be in all these situations at the current point in time, I truly felt I learned good insights and tips - and perspectives - on how to deal with LIFE.

What I learned is too much to cover in one single blog, but what I can and will share here and now is that I felt so much better after time with these strong, independent, and positive women. It was like someone had helped me cleaning out the attic. And I for sure will take the energy and time on a regular basis to get together with my own female network - preferably in a larger group - and share my smaller and bigger concerns. Who doesn't want a clean and organized attic?

Another way of trying to describe the value is: in our casual conversations the little things I didn't even thought I worried about was discussed and suddenly there was a feeling of relief and enlightenment. Again a proof that conversation and how talking things through can help you get clarity on what your priorities and real problems to focus on may be.

A big thank you to the women attending the event, who so openly shared their life stories and their warm hearts, as well as their gathered wisdom. I truly enjoyed our conversations.

Thank you.

A Woman's Worth

Today I want to write about Lilly, or rather so many women like Lilly. She is a middle-aged beautiful sparkling woman I met at a festival last weekend. I had gone there with a couple of my friends, and we shared the same camping area. Today's blog will focus on women's self worth. In any relationships.

Lilly's story starts with her coming out of a really bad relationship. Frankly speaking, it sounded like a pretty abusive kind. To me that meant that she probably had been broken down over a longer period of time, and hit the bottom, but found an inch of self strength somewhere deep down and broken away. Congrat's to Lilly for that.

Not all women has this horrible experience, but many women still end up in a similar situation to where Lilly was when I met her a few days ago. Instead of seeing a single, strong, amazing, independent woman, these women are looking at themselves in the mirror as lonely, weak, and non-attractive "left overs". They basically stare at themselves with exagerated critical judgement. Feeling that not many chances will come their way anymore. In other words, they think they are not worth much on the market anymore.

This observation always makes me so sad. And furious. Lilly (and other women like her) is a beautiful woman. With a sparkling smile and personality. A giggling heart that one can easily fall in love with. And still she does not see this herself.

Why are the self-esteem dependent on the attention of a man for these women? Why is everything they seem to care and talk about how this and that man may or may not be interested in them or what these men think of them? And why are so many of these broken women often involved with married men (a.k.a. cheating jerks)? I so wished there was a light-bulb I could switch on for them. A light that would show them that they are amazing just as they are. That they don't need a man to confirm that for them.

These women fall over and over again for the wrong kind of men. Men that like the chase, the easy going, the smooth talking, the casual sex, and the non-commitment. Men that can make these women feel attractive - in their desperation for confirmation - for just a short while. The men that in the end treat them as they feel: with no worth.

To all Lilly-women out there, I would like to ask:
1) Why is your self esteem in the power and control of someone else? Wouldn't you want to own your own self-esteem?
2) Would you really want to be with a man that doesn't love you for all the amazing things that you are and are capable of?
3) Would you really like to settle with someone who can't understand how to treat you with respect?

If you want to change your life, I have the first step for you. It is very easy. I know you can do this!

Say to yourself in the mirror (loud and clear) every morning: "I am worth everything good in this world. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am capable. And I am (with no hesitation) worth to be treated with respect."

Use this as a mantra. Listen to your own voice growing stronger every day. Until you hear it. Until you feel it. Until you wake up one morning and see the light that helps you clearly distinguish between jerks and respectful gentlemen.

A real man would never treat a woman disrespectfully. Love starts with trust and respect. If you can't trust a guy and he can't respect you or you can't respect him, your relationship will never enable love. Just a distructive attraction or self-eliminating painful crush. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!

Lilly wasn't the only one. There were at least four other women I talked to (only during this event) that had ended up in really bad relationships. And I am not blaming the men here. I ask of any person to stand up for themselves and ask for respect. Don't accept lies. Don't accept cheating. Don't accept disrespectful behavior. Ever. It will eat your self-esteem and your worth.

You are worth everything in this world. You deserve respect. EVERYONE does.