Feedback is Essential

Here is a thought: one reason why men gets promoted more quickly may be that they receive more feedback.

This is a personal observation, and may not apply to the general case (if there is such), but I have watched my male peers and how they have gotten a lot more feedback than I have, in previous employments.

I have off and on wondered why this is the case, and my empirical conclusion is that it is because there is more "risk" of emotional reaction when giving a female feedback. Women - in general - get more "hurt" by raw comments on what was "wrong" or what could be improved in their performance, presentations, or whatever it may be.

I want to encourage women to try their best to not push feedback-givers away, but reacting emotionally to what is said. Try to do the following:

1) Listen
2) Decide if the feedback is truly valid or if it is a projection made by the person giving it to you
3) Say thank you for the feedback
4) Sleep on it, then try to see what parts are applicable to your delivery and erase anything that are aimed at or based around assumptions around your person

1 -- It is important to hear it all, and then decide what to react to. At this stage, do not take anything in, just hear the words and comments.

2 -- Most people give poor feedback. And if it is given directly after the event, without you asking it, try just to appreciate that someone cared enough about your effort, and take the actual feedback-giving action as a BIG COMPLIMENT. After feeling GOOD about this, you can decide what content actually applies, what content is a projection of the feedback-giver's own flaws and areas of improvements (it is very common to give feedback on what you yourself usually need to improve.....try to observe this next time you hear feedback, and smile when you recognize a projection...it is usually funny!). And try to filter as much emotion away from the actual useful feedback - if any!

3 -- Always say thank you to any feedback giver. This will encourage more feedback going forward, and a better way to fine tune your skills into the next level. If heard by others, it will encourage more feedback channels - which is something you should WANT. How else will you grow and improve?

4 -- Only take in what is useful. Remember that no one can give you feedback on WHO YOU ARE only on WHAT YOU DO. So, you can easily ignore comments like: you suck, you are a lousy designer....or whatever.... you should however listen to people who say: your solution sucks, your design is full of flaws - you have things to learn in these situations, especially if you are curious enough to ask "why? what do you mean by it sucks? can you exemplify what you mean by good vs bad design? etc etc"

Again, always embrace feedback givers. Thank them. Take it as a compliment. And then DECIDE what parts of the feedback you think applies or you think is actually valuable for your future growth.

And, to tie in with the beginning of this entry: it is unfortunate that men tend to give men feedback, and do not dare (?) to give us women the same straight forward feedback. The trick here is to ASK for it. From your boss (not only during performance evaluation, but DIRECTLY after a presentation etc), from your peers (e.g. "Hey, btw, what did you think of this meeting? Any feedback you wanna give me?"). Ask. Ask. And ask again. If you don't get feedback, you will not grow.

And then one last thing. PLEASE PRACTISE on giving feedback as well. A good leader knows when to praise and when to correct, and always to only correct what you DO not make any comments on WHO YOU ARE.

FEEDBACK IS GOOD.

The Code Words

7 years ago I learned the code words. The keys to making your boss not only hear you but really listen. I now give them to you:

"I am seeking more responsibility" means "I am tired of my current position and want to grow into leadership and management roles" alternatively "My path is slowly heading elsewhere if you don't provide me a growth path."

"I want new challenges" means "give me a new role / assignment / or responsibility" but it does not necessarily mean a manager position. Perhaps a project or a component ownership though.

"I don't feel motivated" means "I am looking elsewhere already, and probably will stay if I get a better offer / raise or if you meet my demands". Usually after stating these few words, the counter question is: "And what would motivate you?" SO be PREPARED to in a few sentences define what it is you need to feel that spark again...

The worst thing you can do for your career is to NOT THINK ABOUT IT and COME UNPREPARED to a performance review. Your career is your growth path. Don't neglect it, allow it some time, and list the things you did well during the year, to motivate your increased value for the company.

And one last thing: always focus on the tasks that leads to more value for the company. The rest are just not worth it. Focus on things that energizes you and motivates you, but also focus on the tasks and assignments that lead to growth, if you are not happy to stay where you are.

And always take the opportunities that come to you that feels "a little bit over your competence level" as those are the tasks that will make you grow. Never accept something you can already do. That will make you stagnate and get bored before you know it. Fear and butterflies in your stomach when accepting a new challenge ARE GOOD SIGNS!! Let the butterflies buzz. I know you can do it. And so do you.

Good luck with your next performance review. Let me know if you want me to focus on any specific questions within this area. I have tons of tips!