Long Time No Seen

I took a break from blogging. I hope you have missed me. :)

The reason is really many reasons, but to make a long story short, I felt like I didn't have anything new to contribute.

Until today.

I can't emphazise how important it is to feel ok just with doing and accomplishing "good enough". We live in a very dynamic world, where tempo is shifting all the time. Where projects always struggle with impossible time lines, lack of resources, and short cuts in quality. It is hard to feel proud sometimes, as you have real insight into all the weaknesses of the project, product, or team.

But hey, that is not how to view it. You can't measure your accomplishment entirely based on what goes out the door. There are too many factors that are beyond your control. You should - when project fail, or you find issues in the end design of a product, or similar - think about a bigger picture. Remember all the steps of the journey. All the reasons you have come to a spot. Why this spot is much better than six months ago. EVERY STEP COUNTS! As long as it is in the right direction.

It doesn't matter if it is about loosing weight (or gaining weight!), delivering a project, or selling enough Scout Cookies. Every Cookie counts!! I really got a reminder today, that it is the one who can cope with dynamic changes the most and still move forward in the right direction, who really delivers successfully!

Try to visualize your set of tasks, project members, or whatever is in front of you like a herd of cats. And feel proud if you at some point realize that all the cats in the group have somewhat moved closer to the goal. Again, EVERY STEP COUNTS. Just make sure they are in the right direction....at least most of them!

Choosing employer

I had my first real face to face with my manager today. I mean real as in the first time we sat down, went through priorities and the last months and the nest few months agenda. And it has been long enough to be past the honey-moon-phase (you know, the first weeks on a new job where everything is just great!) and enough time for some good healthy conflicts.

Well, I had my first real conversation with my manager, real in a sense that he dared giving me feedback. And it struck me, that this manager (although all managers have their flaws) is one of the better ones I have had. Not only does i openly share what I have done right - something so many managers often forget - but he also openly shares what things WE should try to work on.

Not even myself in a manager role have ever used "WE" will work on these improvement areas. But just that little word, on top of everything else like: giving constructive feedback, giving praise, setting clear goals for the next weeks as well as the next quarter, setting expectations on what I should own and deliver AND what not to own and deliver. I just went home singing from work today.

Again, every manager has their flaws, but I believe this one will be one of the better bets I've ever made.

Oh and by the way, why I formulate it this way is because I always choose my boss. Every assignment I have accepted, has had one big decision stone it it based on the manager and the style and what other people say about him or her. And good reasons for leaving a job is always if your manager doesn't allow you to grow or doesn't guide you in a growing path with clear direction. Or if the manager is purely incompetent on leading and motivating people. There are just sooooo many bad managers out there, that have only been promoted because they have been around too long. So, you don't have the time to waste working for an incompetent diminishing manager, no!! Make sure to choose your path your career and above all your employer and manager.

I am happy with my choice. And what a difference from the place where I was before, where there were no respect what so ever. And no room for learning or making mistakes. If there is no room for mistakes, how will you ever dare being creative or innovative?

DARE CHANGING JOBS IF YOUR MANAGEMENT IS INCOMPETENT. It can only get better, and it is never a good career to work with incompetent people.

The Magic of Questions

When I first started working, I was so eager to show what I was good for. Make a statement. Make an impression. Every day counted. Every week. And I tried to keep a good face, usually keeping quiet in situations where I didn't fully understand the concepts, trying to come across as smarter and more experienced than I was.

At the time I thought this was a really good strategy. Who was I kidding? I guess the curiosity and confidence comes after a few years in the business. When you feel more established and less insecure about your working role.

These days I love to be the rookie, and stay the rookie as long as I can. With rookie I mean the "unknowing party" the new person on the block. The person who is ALLOWED TO ASK THE STUPID QUESTIONS. Basically, with my new job, I have been here a few months already, and I am daily exercising the right to ask about everything and question every decision made in the past.

Where would we be without questions? And above all, where would we be without QUESTIONING? Value your right to question. Value your right to be curious. Why or why not are the questions children learn the world through, and we parents find it somewhat annoying, but remember: it is through these questions they learn and come up with the most creative solutions!

So why not use these questions yourself? Why are we doing it this way? Why is this team handling these assignments, when it could scale better if sales owned them? Why did you decide to make this a linear process instead of parallel? Why do you do task A before task B?

NEVER STOP QUESTIONING and you will see that sometimes the world has changed, and people have just become complacent with how things are. And you storm in like the fresh new thinker that you are, changing things, and questioning routines, making the company more productive and more innovative. And you also inspire others to think as well. And start questioning.

Just be strong when people who do not like questions, who do not appreciate to be challenged or questioned, whose experience and superiority is assumed to overrule any questions....be aware because these people are out there: the scared managers afraid to loose their respect of their employees if they don't know what is right, the comfortable CxOs that think they already know everything there is to know.
Be aware, and make sure you are not one of them! Start questioning what you already knew. Maybe you can learn the world a second time around, and find the joy of being a rookie once more. It is very liberating and very inspiring.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO QUESTION. SO WHY NOT DO IT?

It isn't always as it seems

Just got reminded today that sometimes your own bad conscience decides how you judge people around you. It isn't always as it seems. Actually most of the time it isn't at all as bad as you think it is.

So what can you do when you have a "hunch" or a "gut-feeling" that makes you interpret certain signals a pre-determined way? Well, you have to QUESTION if this is reality or perhaps one of your own insecurities tainting your glasses - e.g. making you view the world in a non-objective way.

Let yourself travel into other glasses, other shoes, other perspectives. Try to see it from angels where you are not stuck in your own values, patterns, or pre-perceptions. If you manage to see it from at least two other angles, you are right to lower the probability of your own view being the "true" one and the "only" angle of a problem.

The best lesson I have re-learned this week has been that if you fight your own will to come up with the best solution, and allow other solutions - however crappy they may seem at a first glance - you can jump up and bet your glasses on that there is a valid reason for solving an issue the way someone else suggests it. Take a second and LISTEN to those reasons, before you decide. It will save you a lot of pain and re-payment later.

I took the time to listen this week. I allowed me to be patient although people were waiting for answers and blowing up the importance of things. And in the end, I gained two weeks work and the respect of two VPs.

Take the time to listen to ALL suggestions, and evaluate them equally and fair. There are sometimes reasons you don't know. And as long as those reasons are objective and not for anyone's personal career, then they should be paid attention to. It may save you a fortune of time and effort.

Good luck with listening to all input next week, and allowing yourself to evaluate even if first reaction is that they are wrong. Good luck with allowing yourself to be patient.

I know you can do it.

Feedback is Essential

Here is a thought: one reason why men gets promoted more quickly may be that they receive more feedback.

This is a personal observation, and may not apply to the general case (if there is such), but I have watched my male peers and how they have gotten a lot more feedback than I have, in previous employments.

I have off and on wondered why this is the case, and my empirical conclusion is that it is because there is more "risk" of emotional reaction when giving a female feedback. Women - in general - get more "hurt" by raw comments on what was "wrong" or what could be improved in their performance, presentations, or whatever it may be.

I want to encourage women to try their best to not push feedback-givers away, but reacting emotionally to what is said. Try to do the following:

1) Listen
2) Decide if the feedback is truly valid or if it is a projection made by the person giving it to you
3) Say thank you for the feedback
4) Sleep on it, then try to see what parts are applicable to your delivery and erase anything that are aimed at or based around assumptions around your person

1 -- It is important to hear it all, and then decide what to react to. At this stage, do not take anything in, just hear the words and comments.

2 -- Most people give poor feedback. And if it is given directly after the event, without you asking it, try just to appreciate that someone cared enough about your effort, and take the actual feedback-giving action as a BIG COMPLIMENT. After feeling GOOD about this, you can decide what content actually applies, what content is a projection of the feedback-giver's own flaws and areas of improvements (it is very common to give feedback on what you yourself usually need to improve.....try to observe this next time you hear feedback, and smile when you recognize a projection...it is usually funny!). And try to filter as much emotion away from the actual useful feedback - if any!

3 -- Always say thank you to any feedback giver. This will encourage more feedback going forward, and a better way to fine tune your skills into the next level. If heard by others, it will encourage more feedback channels - which is something you should WANT. How else will you grow and improve?

4 -- Only take in what is useful. Remember that no one can give you feedback on WHO YOU ARE only on WHAT YOU DO. So, you can easily ignore comments like: you suck, you are a lousy designer....or whatever.... you should however listen to people who say: your solution sucks, your design is full of flaws - you have things to learn in these situations, especially if you are curious enough to ask "why? what do you mean by it sucks? can you exemplify what you mean by good vs bad design? etc etc"

Again, always embrace feedback givers. Thank them. Take it as a compliment. And then DECIDE what parts of the feedback you think applies or you think is actually valuable for your future growth.

And, to tie in with the beginning of this entry: it is unfortunate that men tend to give men feedback, and do not dare (?) to give us women the same straight forward feedback. The trick here is to ASK for it. From your boss (not only during performance evaluation, but DIRECTLY after a presentation etc), from your peers (e.g. "Hey, btw, what did you think of this meeting? Any feedback you wanna give me?"). Ask. Ask. And ask again. If you don't get feedback, you will not grow.

And then one last thing. PLEASE PRACTISE on giving feedback as well. A good leader knows when to praise and when to correct, and always to only correct what you DO not make any comments on WHO YOU ARE.

FEEDBACK IS GOOD.

Achieving Your Goals

To achieve your goals (see my previous blog for how to create them) you need to be selective. You can't have 100s of goals at the same time. Select a few, and if possible find dependencies to what goals you should do first, to make path for other goals to be achieved much easier.

Example: If I focus on a better communication with my boss, I can later express my interest in travelling more...

SO....HOW do you achieve your goals. Well there are different ways I have used.

DIVIDE AND CONQUER
Goal: I want a Donna Karen purse within 6 months
Strategy: I will save money to afford it
Divide: I need to save $xxx per month to reach the amount needed
Action plan: If I don't spend money on clothes, coffee, and drinks w friends I can achieve that amount per month...

If the goal seems unachievable, try to break it into steps and backtrack. To achieve A, I have to achieve B, and to achieve B, I need to do C by this time.... and by listing C, B, A, you have your action plan.

Sounds easy? Well, it is harder than one can imagine sometimes.

So, what if parts of the goal is not within your control? Then there is the aim sideways approach.

AIM SIDEWAYS
Keep your focus on achieving the goal. And let all your actions lead to steps closer. If there are parts of the distance that you can't do, at least not in a direct fashion, then do them sideways.

Example
Goal: I want to become manager for the engineering department within the next two years
Strategy: Take more leadership and more responsibility, get assigned to important team-leading tasks, show my value to the upper management, and to the team, etc.
Blocker: My boss does not believe that I am ready to become a manager (and you have done your homework of finding out what is required, and proven that list to him over a 6 month period...) - e.g. you are shore he or she is just blocking
Sideways-approach: Modify your goal -- you can become a manager for another department for a while, focus on showing your management qualities to the support organization, keep your ears and eyes open, talk to their management that you are seeking more responsibility. Apply for opportunities under other managers.

Baseline: You can allow yourself to side-track into an almost similar goal-situation - e.g. if you become the manager of the support team, you grow with the management experience, even though it is not what you first desired (development) and next opening for development manager, you have the management experience on your list....which gets you one step closer.

Side tracking is good, if you stay focused on the goal!

And remember, the GOAL is always to GROW. Grow your potential and your comfort zone.

Teach Others to Fish

We all know the saying of: "Give a man a fish, and he will not go hungry for the night. Teach him how to fish, and he will never go hungry again". (Comes in many versions...)

During my first work years I used to run to my boss all the time with urgent issues. I was insecure on what was the right things to do. I didn't trust my own experience and knowledge. And I was afraid to make mistakes.

My boss of course was annoyed with it, he must have been. But he showed me a lot of patience, and in the end helped me to help myself, by NOT SOLVING MY PROBLEMS. The times when he sent me back with the words: "So, what are you standing here for? Go solve it!" I was so frustrated that he had not helped me. It was only later I understood his invaluable help. He helped me help myself.

The ability to let go of helping/do the problem solving for someone and the ability to separate "my problems" from "your problems" from "our problems" are rare in any relationships. I see managers failing constantly. I see marriages failing constantly. And I do acknowledge that is is very tough to learn. However it is SO ESSENTIAL for successful and healthy relationships.

It is most of the time a long-term good management strategy to let people sort their problems out themselves. One reason is the employees grow through their problem solving, another is they feel accomplished when the problem has been fixed, and in the end let's not forget the fact that you get a little less worries to care about as a manager if you learn to let go of certain categories of problems.

And believe me, this is not a lazy approach, if it comes across to you that way. It is a survival approach. If you choose to handle all problems your employees encounter, placing yourself as the go-to-for-every-answer-person. Then you will in the end have a staff that depends on you entirely - yes, you will feel very needed and as if you can't ever leave work for a day - but you also many times end up in a burning spot. You are the bottleneck for all decisions being made.

I tell you this: You don't want that. You do want to strive for independent workers, that come to you with the REAL problems. That they can't solve themselves. You want to build a staff that you can trust and rely on that are secure in their roles. So they grow into greater problem solvers and make your business bloom.

You micro managers out there - LET GO! Clarify the responsibility and the goals. And the consequences. Then leave people to do their job.

In this process, you will need trust and patience. Patience to let people make the wrong decisions sometimes. Patience to ask questions instead of boosting out your own solution and opinions. Trust in their capability and growth. If you practise your patience and trust, you will end up with your team one day teaching YOU new things, and making YOU grow. That, my friends, is the reward.

Practise just to listen. Sometimes a problem just needs to be ventilated. The best solution you can hand your employees are the guiding questions they can learn to ask themselves in time: "OK, so you've told me this, this, and this. What are you going to do about it? What are your alternatives? And what are the consequences?"

With this simple question set, you have clearly stated the responsibility of solving the problem is theirs. You have also opened the road for alternative solutions. And you have guided them to think of the outcome of action choice. And best of all you have not tainted their creative minds with your opinions yet. Once they are done coming up with alternatives, you should:

1. Reward them (so they feel good about their process discovery): "Good suggestions."
2. Add additional options if necessary: "Another thing you can look into is...." "In addition to those options, I would also suggest looking at..."
3. Guide them towards the next step: "So now that you have the options, what will you do next and why?"

As a manager, you should only act as a process accelerator. The employees are hired to do their jobs. And you are the guide and enabler the help them achieve the goals. Just try that thought and see how it fits you.

And then again, patience, trust, listen. You will see results.

The Power Game

I talked to a friend of mine the other day, who was upset about how her manager had cut her off during a meeting with VPs. It reminded me of a situation that happened to me a few years back.

I was invloved in an education program for global sales. We were 4-6 people developing content that would reach 200 trainers, who would travel out in the world and educate our sales forces. I was part of this group. Contributing equally with the others to the deliverables. At the event, each of the group memebers were assigned different passages of the training sessions. My passage was 20 minutes. All the other guys' parts were scheduled for 1 hour each.

Oh well. I thought: I am the greenest in these contexts, so maybe it is a "try run" and kind of a test from my boss to see if I can do it. Perhaps he is testing me so I can get more of these assignements for the next round. I prepared my session and thought I did a pretty good job putting something clear and communicative presentation material together. The others did their parts too, but most of them had just cut together from previous presentation decks, so the flows of their material weren't as worked through as mine.

They each gave their sessions, and of course exceeded their time limits. When it was my turn my manager asked me to cover what I had in 10 minutes, with the motivation that we were running out of time. Irritated, but cooperative, I cut out a few parts of my session.

In the first minutes of my presentation my boss suddenly starts to interrupt me. "Clarifying" what I just said. I have never felt so humiliated and belittled in the last 5 years of my career. I have always had good ratings on presentaiton skills. People like my energy, my simple way of explaining things, and my many levels of communcation. I strongly doubt I had a sudden episode of communication-disability. I doubt that he had to "clarify" anything. His clarifications were more interruptive than anything else. And he distrupted the planned flow, and I had to regain control of the session several times.

Not only did I miss out on important parts, due to lack of time, but he made me take other tracks than I planned with my messages. When I confronted him, a few weeks later, when things had calmed down a bit, he asked me to confront him "in context" next time, as he couldn't recall the session I was referring to. Hm. How many training session did I give?

Later I reflected objectively and ended up that he might have just wanted to reinforce and repeat important messages, so his intention would not have been interrupting or clarifying, but instead highlighting what I said. Perhaps. There are always two sides of a story, and I would rather give someone benefit of a doubt. The challenge is however still there: how do you win back the lost power, when someone has made an action which has caused deminishing harm?

One trick that I have learned is to thank the interrupting and belittleing person for his/her ADDITIONS to your messaging, but maybe some of you have better power language tricks and tips? Feel free to comment and share your power game stories and advise.