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Here is a thought: one reason why men gets promoted more quickly may be that they receive more feedback.
This is a personal observation, and may not apply to the general case (if there is such), but I have watched my male peers and how they have gotten a lot more feedback than I have, in previous employments.
I have off and on wondered why this is the case, and my empirical conclusion is that it is because there is more "risk" of emotional reaction when giving a female feedback. Women - in general - get more "hurt" by raw comments on what was "wrong" or what could be improved in their performance, presentations, or whatever it may be.
I want to encourage women to try their best to not push feedback-givers away, but reacting emotionally to what is said. Try to do the following:
1) Listen
2) Decide if the feedback is truly valid or if it is a projection made by the person giving it to you
3) Say thank you for the feedback
4) Sleep on it, then try to see what parts are applicable to your delivery and erase anything that are aimed at or based around assumptions around your person
1 -- It is important to hear it all, and then decide what to react to. At this stage, do not take anything in, just hear the words and comments.
2 -- Most people give poor feedback. And if it is given directly after the event, without you asking it, try just to appreciate that someone cared enough about your effort, and take the actual feedback-giving action as a BIG COMPLIMENT. After feeling GOOD about this, you can decide what content actually applies, what content is a projection of the feedback-giver's own flaws and areas of improvements (it is very common to give feedback on what you yourself usually need to improve.....try to observe this next time you hear feedback, and smile when you recognize a projection...it is usually funny!). And try to filter as much emotion away from the actual useful feedback - if any!
3 -- Always say thank you to any feedback giver. This will encourage more feedback going forward, and a better way to fine tune your skills into the next level. If heard by others, it will encourage more feedback channels - which is something you should WANT. How else will you grow and improve?
4 -- Only take in what is useful. Remember that no one can give you feedback on WHO YOU ARE only on WHAT YOU DO. So, you can easily ignore comments like: you suck, you are a lousy designer....or whatever.... you should however listen to people who say: your solution sucks, your design is full of flaws - you have things to learn in these situations, especially if you are curious enough to ask "why? what do you mean by it sucks? can you exemplify what you mean by good vs bad design? etc etc"
Again, always embrace feedback givers. Thank them. Take it as a compliment. And then DECIDE what parts of the feedback you think applies or you think is actually valuable for your future growth.
And, to tie in with the beginning of this entry: it is unfortunate that men tend to give men feedback, and do not dare (?) to give us women the same straight forward feedback. The trick here is to ASK for it. From your boss (not only during performance evaluation, but DIRECTLY after a presentation etc), from your peers (e.g. "Hey, btw, what did you think of this meeting? Any feedback you wanna give me?"). Ask. Ask. And ask again. If you don't get feedback, you will not grow.
And then one last thing. PLEASE PRACTISE on giving feedback as well. A good leader knows when to praise and when to correct, and always to only correct what you DO not make any comments on WHO YOU ARE.
FEEDBACK IS GOOD.
Showing posts with label Power. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Power. Show all posts
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Top List
I got the question a week ago: What are your best career tips? The question was asked by an intern at our company. I gave the advise of always networking, select a few mentors, try different assignments, and focus on growth/learning, but when I came home later that day, I decided to really think it through. And here they are, my top five list:
1. Choose your manager - if the current one does not help you grow or see you/your contributions, try to present your achievements to another manager, or the manager one step above... If this is not possible, it is time to seriously consider changing jobs. If the manager does not see you, listen to you, or acknowledge your contributions as well as needs, how will you ever grow and learn in this position?
2. Never believe "it is the way it is" or "there is nothing we can do" or "because this is the way we have always done it". Believe me when I say: there is _always_ another way! Don't let other people tell you what you can or can't do. Don't let other people's fears, failure, or limitations limit what you want to do or your creativity. Yes, you should listen to experience and advice. But if I had followed the rules or listened to the "what if this happens if you do that" or "you can't do that", then I would never have been where I am today.
3. Focus on what you are good at - that will lead to excellent results and good self esteem. You can practise on your weaknesses outside the spotlight, but always present what you did great (and absolutely no excuses for yourself!) Seriously, too many people work on improving their "improvement areas", but do you see many successful people focused on their weak sides?
4. Believe that you are worth more!! Don't ever compromise on your integrity. I have lost some really good deals and negotiations the few times I have doubted myself. Never ever compromise on your self-worth! You are worth it. And more!
5. Choose words like "I want to develop" or "I am ready for new challenges" in your performance evaluation discussions - that will signal you are ready for a promotion or new assignments. Much more effective than to for instance hint that you have other offers or that you are not happy in your situation... Paint the vision, and the vision will become true.
And then a bonus principle I have taken with me from one of my mentors:
"You either win or you learn."
Feel free to add your own career tips to this blog entry.
1. Choose your manager - if the current one does not help you grow or see you/your contributions, try to present your achievements to another manager, or the manager one step above... If this is not possible, it is time to seriously consider changing jobs. If the manager does not see you, listen to you, or acknowledge your contributions as well as needs, how will you ever grow and learn in this position?
2. Never believe "it is the way it is" or "there is nothing we can do" or "because this is the way we have always done it". Believe me when I say: there is _always_ another way! Don't let other people tell you what you can or can't do. Don't let other people's fears, failure, or limitations limit what you want to do or your creativity. Yes, you should listen to experience and advice. But if I had followed the rules or listened to the "what if this happens if you do that" or "you can't do that", then I would never have been where I am today.
3. Focus on what you are good at - that will lead to excellent results and good self esteem. You can practise on your weaknesses outside the spotlight, but always present what you did great (and absolutely no excuses for yourself!) Seriously, too many people work on improving their "improvement areas", but do you see many successful people focused on their weak sides?
4. Believe that you are worth more!! Don't ever compromise on your integrity. I have lost some really good deals and negotiations the few times I have doubted myself. Never ever compromise on your self-worth! You are worth it. And more!
5. Choose words like "I want to develop" or "I am ready for new challenges" in your performance evaluation discussions - that will signal you are ready for a promotion or new assignments. Much more effective than to for instance hint that you have other offers or that you are not happy in your situation... Paint the vision, and the vision will become true.
And then a bonus principle I have taken with me from one of my mentors:
"You either win or you learn."
Feel free to add your own career tips to this blog entry.
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Power Game
I talked to a friend of mine the other day, who was upset about how her manager had cut her off during a meeting with VPs. It reminded me of a situation that happened to me a few years back.
I was invloved in an education program for global sales. We were 4-6 people developing content that would reach 200 trainers, who would travel out in the world and educate our sales forces. I was part of this group. Contributing equally with the others to the deliverables. At the event, each of the group memebers were assigned different passages of the training sessions. My passage was 20 minutes. All the other guys' parts were scheduled for 1 hour each.
Oh well. I thought: I am the greenest in these contexts, so maybe it is a "try run" and kind of a test from my boss to see if I can do it. Perhaps he is testing me so I can get more of these assignements for the next round. I prepared my session and thought I did a pretty good job putting something clear and communicative presentation material together. The others did their parts too, but most of them had just cut together from previous presentation decks, so the flows of their material weren't as worked through as mine.
They each gave their sessions, and of course exceeded their time limits. When it was my turn my manager asked me to cover what I had in 10 minutes, with the motivation that we were running out of time. Irritated, but cooperative, I cut out a few parts of my session.
In the first minutes of my presentation my boss suddenly starts to interrupt me. "Clarifying" what I just said. I have never felt so humiliated and belittled in the last 5 years of my career. I have always had good ratings on presentaiton skills. People like my energy, my simple way of explaining things, and my many levels of communcation. I strongly doubt I had a sudden episode of communication-disability. I doubt that he had to "clarify" anything. His clarifications were more interruptive than anything else. And he distrupted the planned flow, and I had to regain control of the session several times.
Not only did I miss out on important parts, due to lack of time, but he made me take other tracks than I planned with my messages. When I confronted him, a few weeks later, when things had calmed down a bit, he asked me to confront him "in context" next time, as he couldn't recall the session I was referring to. Hm. How many training session did I give?
Later I reflected objectively and ended up that he might have just wanted to reinforce and repeat important messages, so his intention would not have been interrupting or clarifying, but instead highlighting what I said. Perhaps. There are always two sides of a story, and I would rather give someone benefit of a doubt. The challenge is however still there: how do you win back the lost power, when someone has made an action which has caused deminishing harm?
One trick that I have learned is to thank the interrupting and belittleing person for his/her ADDITIONS to your messaging, but maybe some of you have better power language tricks and tips? Feel free to comment and share your power game stories and advise.
I was invloved in an education program for global sales. We were 4-6 people developing content that would reach 200 trainers, who would travel out in the world and educate our sales forces. I was part of this group. Contributing equally with the others to the deliverables. At the event, each of the group memebers were assigned different passages of the training sessions. My passage was 20 minutes. All the other guys' parts were scheduled for 1 hour each.
Oh well. I thought: I am the greenest in these contexts, so maybe it is a "try run" and kind of a test from my boss to see if I can do it. Perhaps he is testing me so I can get more of these assignements for the next round. I prepared my session and thought I did a pretty good job putting something clear and communicative presentation material together. The others did their parts too, but most of them had just cut together from previous presentation decks, so the flows of their material weren't as worked through as mine.
They each gave their sessions, and of course exceeded their time limits. When it was my turn my manager asked me to cover what I had in 10 minutes, with the motivation that we were running out of time. Irritated, but cooperative, I cut out a few parts of my session.
In the first minutes of my presentation my boss suddenly starts to interrupt me. "Clarifying" what I just said. I have never felt so humiliated and belittled in the last 5 years of my career. I have always had good ratings on presentaiton skills. People like my energy, my simple way of explaining things, and my many levels of communcation. I strongly doubt I had a sudden episode of communication-disability. I doubt that he had to "clarify" anything. His clarifications were more interruptive than anything else. And he distrupted the planned flow, and I had to regain control of the session several times.
Not only did I miss out on important parts, due to lack of time, but he made me take other tracks than I planned with my messages. When I confronted him, a few weeks later, when things had calmed down a bit, he asked me to confront him "in context" next time, as he couldn't recall the session I was referring to. Hm. How many training session did I give?
Later I reflected objectively and ended up that he might have just wanted to reinforce and repeat important messages, so his intention would not have been interrupting or clarifying, but instead highlighting what I said. Perhaps. There are always two sides of a story, and I would rather give someone benefit of a doubt. The challenge is however still there: how do you win back the lost power, when someone has made an action which has caused deminishing harm?
One trick that I have learned is to thank the interrupting and belittleing person for his/her ADDITIONS to your messaging, but maybe some of you have better power language tricks and tips? Feel free to comment and share your power game stories and advise.
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