Feedback is Essential

Here is a thought: one reason why men gets promoted more quickly may be that they receive more feedback.

This is a personal observation, and may not apply to the general case (if there is such), but I have watched my male peers and how they have gotten a lot more feedback than I have, in previous employments.

I have off and on wondered why this is the case, and my empirical conclusion is that it is because there is more "risk" of emotional reaction when giving a female feedback. Women - in general - get more "hurt" by raw comments on what was "wrong" or what could be improved in their performance, presentations, or whatever it may be.

I want to encourage women to try their best to not push feedback-givers away, but reacting emotionally to what is said. Try to do the following:

1) Listen
2) Decide if the feedback is truly valid or if it is a projection made by the person giving it to you
3) Say thank you for the feedback
4) Sleep on it, then try to see what parts are applicable to your delivery and erase anything that are aimed at or based around assumptions around your person

1 -- It is important to hear it all, and then decide what to react to. At this stage, do not take anything in, just hear the words and comments.

2 -- Most people give poor feedback. And if it is given directly after the event, without you asking it, try just to appreciate that someone cared enough about your effort, and take the actual feedback-giving action as a BIG COMPLIMENT. After feeling GOOD about this, you can decide what content actually applies, what content is a projection of the feedback-giver's own flaws and areas of improvements (it is very common to give feedback on what you yourself usually need to improve.....try to observe this next time you hear feedback, and smile when you recognize a projection...it is usually funny!). And try to filter as much emotion away from the actual useful feedback - if any!

3 -- Always say thank you to any feedback giver. This will encourage more feedback going forward, and a better way to fine tune your skills into the next level. If heard by others, it will encourage more feedback channels - which is something you should WANT. How else will you grow and improve?

4 -- Only take in what is useful. Remember that no one can give you feedback on WHO YOU ARE only on WHAT YOU DO. So, you can easily ignore comments like: you suck, you are a lousy designer....or whatever.... you should however listen to people who say: your solution sucks, your design is full of flaws - you have things to learn in these situations, especially if you are curious enough to ask "why? what do you mean by it sucks? can you exemplify what you mean by good vs bad design? etc etc"

Again, always embrace feedback givers. Thank them. Take it as a compliment. And then DECIDE what parts of the feedback you think applies or you think is actually valuable for your future growth.

And, to tie in with the beginning of this entry: it is unfortunate that men tend to give men feedback, and do not dare (?) to give us women the same straight forward feedback. The trick here is to ASK for it. From your boss (not only during performance evaluation, but DIRECTLY after a presentation etc), from your peers (e.g. "Hey, btw, what did you think of this meeting? Any feedback you wanna give me?"). Ask. Ask. And ask again. If you don't get feedback, you will not grow.

And then one last thing. PLEASE PRACTISE on giving feedback as well. A good leader knows when to praise and when to correct, and always to only correct what you DO not make any comments on WHO YOU ARE.

FEEDBACK IS GOOD.