Conflict is Good

Yesterday I ran into a Norwegian friend of mine. We had a nice chat over coffee at Dana Street Roasting Company. I really like the ambience there, as you can hear what you think and at the same time enjoy the scene of a coffee bean roaster together with an out-of-the-world coffee aroma. We had a good time for sure. And then we ended up in kind of a friendly disagreement. To make a long story short, we ended up laughing at our different negotiation techniques and started talking about conflicts.

Especially in Scandinavian culture, or at least the groups of people I am used to from over there, conflicts are a bit of a tabu. You want to solve issues and disagreements, of course, and they do exist, for sure, but it is just so many different approaches one can take. And an important factor in the Scandinavian approach (if there is one) is to stay calm, to not raise your voice...to not loose your face or embarass yourself by showing emotions. Maybe that is why we are called the "Japaneese of Europe" and why business is so excellently made between Scandinavia and Japan? Sometimes, while living and working in Sweden, I thought a conflict was a failure. That one had failed finding a win-win solution and hence failed to create the most optimal solution.

Letting the discussion brew for a bit, I came to the conclusion that I have totally changed my mind since moving to the states. Conflicts are good. Difference in opinion is catalysts for finding the best solution. One should not fear entering or creating conflicts, to have different opinions, or to even jump into a counter position (as they say here: play the devil's advocate) to really be sure that the solution at the table is solid.

Conflicts are indeed good. Differences are what helps innovation and perspective growth. How boring it would be if everyone in the world had the same opinions. And how dangerous for our future.

With all this said, I have to CLEARLY STATE that there are DIFFERENT WAYS of solving conflicts and it is in the SOLUTION PROCESS where you can choose positive (e.g. brain storming, open trust-based discussion, perspective change role playing....) or destructive approaches (e.g. war, violence, avoidance, postponance...).

So remember: conflict is good. The conflict solving process should be a constructive one.